I guess Heaven was needing a hero.

I guess heaven was needing a hero, somebody just like you, brave enough to stand up for what you believe, and follow it through. When I try to make it make sense in my mind the only conclusion I come to is heaven was needing a hero like you. I remember the last time I saw you you held your head up proud I laughed inside when I saw how you were standing out in the crowd. Your such a part of who I am now that part will just be void, no matter how much I need you now Heaven needed you more.

Brad Williams died last night, and I'll be honest, I haven't ever cried as hard as I did this morning. He was my best friend. We told each other everything. I guess I have to focus on the memories.

I remember last year we went to Disneyland. Boy what a trip that was! I swear we rode Tower of Terror at least ten times. That's back when "Please Don't Stop the Music" by Rihanna was our song, and we were standing in line and he was so serious and said, "I wanna take you away..." And I was like, "Uh, what?!" Hahahaha. And then I realized he was quoting it. And we stayed for so long to watch the fire works because they were his favorite part. And then we ran from space mountain to splash mountain at 11:51 before it closed, and barely made it. Oh, and we got Pineapple Dole whip and he got me addicted to it.

Oh man there's so many memories I have. He was such a great guy, this is so out of no where. I can't help but cry. He's helped me through so much lately. To think of never being able to see him again makes me cry even harder. I miss him so much.

It's not fair really. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I guess that's how it always goes though. I know God sent him to help me, and I'm so thankful for that. I'll never forget him. He will always be in my heart.

Hope: to believe, desire, or trust.

Awh. This last week has been crazy. I honestly don't even know where to start. I've learned so much. I care about people too much. Not that it is a bad thing, but I get taken advantage of a lot. But I can't help but help people. I want people to suceed. I want them to know that someone in the world cares. I tend to take that on myself. Which doesn't bother me, becuase it is what I'm accustomed to. I'd do anything for just about anyone. Unless I really don't like you.

Last weekend was crazy. Almost got in a lot of trouble, but explained it and it was all sorted out. Luckily, he was approved of by the two people that I actually care about what they think. And that makes me feel a lot better. I think I'm getting too attached waay to fast. But we'll see what happens.

Graduation is gettting so close. I finally got my cap and gown ordered! My mom is working on getting my senior pictures scheduled. Which will be a lot of fun. I'm taking Rylee with me! And anyone else who wants to come. I'm excited. :)

Lately, I've been missing people a lot. I've been too emotional, and so stressed. All of our favorite songs keep coming on the radio, or on in the mall, or in a movie, and I can't help to miss him a little bit. It sucks. But everyday it gets a little easier.

Mill Avenue is freaking scary by the way! Me and Keisha almost got taken last night! Won't be going back there without a lot of boys. Haha. But seriously.

So excited. Definitly going to Washington this summer! Dustin bought a new sailboat and I want to go sailing so bad. I will talk him into taking me to SeaFair. I'm so old enough. Haha.

Bring on the fireworks.

Awh, last night was so fun. Thank goodness for the guys that are amazing and save the night. :) Its guys like them that make me realize that I've been sort of over reacting. And that I will be safe. Haa, I'm such a worrier. I might as well be a mom.

Awhh. Loving my life right now. We'll see how long this lasts. I love fireworks by the way. They're so pretty for the like 2 seconds they work.. Kinda like life. You get the good moments and the bad.. Hopefully the good will start lasting a lot longer.

In this world, we all need a little protection.

The last 24 hours have been horrible. I don't think I have ever been more scared in my life. When it comes to guys, I give up. They are all creepy, or trying to sleep with you. I didn't sleep at all last night due to being afraid about the guy at the gym, and then today at Jaclyn's house, someone knocked on the door so I answered it and it was two creepy guys and they tried to come in! WTF! Me and Jaclyn were the only ones there too. We were so freaking scared. It was horrible. So I went and invested in a can of pepper spray to carry.. And of course, I got it in pink.

But its horrible. The one thing I want is to see my uncle, to have him give me that hug that assures that everything will be okay, and that he will make sure of it. But naturally I can't even get that... I just want to cry. It's pretty lame. Why is it that even when people promise they'll always be there that they aren't? I guess I can kind of understand his circumstances, and I've accepted it for two years now, but honestly, I just need to see him once, and know that everything will be okay. And I miss Jacki like no other. I need her, and yet, I can't have her in my life. :( If only I could change things. I would in a heart beat.

Why does life have to be so damn complicated? It was going so good, and then everything went wrong, and I feel like I lost everyone that meant anything to me. The worst feeling is to feel alone...

I'm learning to fall.

Lately I've been so confused! I'm pretty sick of it. I thought life was going pretty good, and then I started to realize things, and it's not what I want to know, but I have to accept it. It sucks. But, what doesn't break you only makes you stronger, right?

Ugh. Is it so hard to find a guy that is actually worth it? I'm starting to think it just might be. All guys want is to sleep with you, and it is pretty damn pathetic. :/ All I want is a guy who doesn't care what I wear, or how I do my hair. Who loves my smile, and does anything to keep me smiling, someone who does small things to keep me happy.. Someone who knows my downfalls, but loves my anyway. Basically someone that I can count on to always be there. But I'm pretty sure that it's near impossible.

I feel so sick right now. And I know I won't want to go to school tomorrow. But I will, and all day long, I'll wait, and yet I know nothing will happen. Ugh!

You have to give people the chance.

I decided today, that no matter what background a person has, everyone deserves a chance. Obviously you have to be aware that you can either be really happy with the outcome or it could really suck, but either way, you wouldn't know if you don't try. You'd be suprised at how good people are.

It was a long day, but to finally be home, makes it all worth it. I saw my boyfriends.. Haha. I love my job. :)

The end is nearing!

Awh! Today I went and requested all my stuff for scholarships. Craaazy. Graduation is like, right around the corner! Its kinda scary, but I can't wait. It'll be so good to get outta high school, and move onto college. I'm pretty sure I'm going into Speech pathology. It seems like me. :)

I went to lunch with my mom. I miss her. I miss sitting in her bed with her and watching all the shows we recorded, and the days when Jacki would come over and we would all sit and talk and laugh and be happy.

I remember a few summers ago when I went with Jacki and Tom and the boys to Disneyland, and we had so much fun! All the way there we sang Hot in Here by Nelly.. But Disneyland was freaking amazing. It was the boys first time, and me and Jacki took Tommy on alllll the rides he could go on, and Jamin was so mad that he wasn't tall enough to go on any of them. It was sad. Haha. Then on the way home, I got car sick! It was so gross. But all the way home we watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle cartoons, and Tommy explained them all to me. I miss those days. The days where I could go over to their house and just sit with them and know without a doubt they would do anything for me. Now, it's hard. I still know if I needed them they'd be there, but the fact I can't go see them, or call them, it's so hard.

I miss the old days. But at the same time, the future will be good too. :)